Fernando Mendoza In Tears As Every Mock Draft Has Him Going To Raiders
Las Vegas – Heisman trophy winning QB Fernando Mendoza was recently seen crying in to…
Fernando Mendoza In Tears As Every Mock Draft Has Him Going To Raiders
Las Vegas – Heisman trophy winning QB Fernando Mendoza was recently seen crying in to a bagel at a local Panera while looking through mock drafts online. It seems as though the thought of going to play for the Raiders has notorious good boy Mendoza privately venting to anyone who will listen that “I can’t…
America Wants Seahawks to Win Super Bowl LX In Most Obvious Freaking Poll Ever Conducted
Santa Clara – The Seattle Seahawks have obviously emerged as America’s favorite to win Super Bowl LX as Patriots somehow return to the big game way too soon for a team with such historical success. The poll, conducted online or somewhere else (doesn’t matter even a little), showed that over 88% of Americans want Seattle…
Puka Nacua Thriving Under Tutelage of Former NFL WR Antonio Brown
Los Angeles – Rams star wide receiver Puka Nacua has announced that he is now under the mentorship of controversial (to normal people) former NFL star Antonio Brown. “I have learned so much in the past 3 days since he has taken me under his wing, I have so much more to learn” said Nacua…
White Sox Looking Forward to Flipping First Overall Pick In 5 Years For More Prospects Who Don’t Pan Out
Chicago – The Chicago White Sox, with the highest odds at 27.73%, won the No. 1 overall pick in next summer’s draft during Tuesday’s lottery at the Winter Meetings in Orlando. Chicago, in a perpetual rebuild since they caught lightning in a bottle in 2005, are looking forward to the opportunity to draft a game…
Lane Kiffin Heroically Chooses Between $9 Million at Ole Miss and $13 Million at LSU, Citing “Unimaginable Hardship” Of Decision
Baton Rouge, LA – In a moving display of personal sacrifice and a show of class solitude with the common man, newly hired LSU head football coach Lane Kiffin announced Thursday that accepting a reported $4 million/yr raise was “one of the toughest decisions of his life,” describing the negotiation process as a “soul searching…
Man Finally Convinced by 3,357th Bet MGM Commercial to Gamble Life Savings Away “Responsibly”
JEFFERSON CITY, MO – Local resident Kyle Brenner has “finally got the message” that sports betting is coming to Missouri after seeing the 3,357th commercial announcing said news. Brenner, 42, said he was “finally convinced by Gronk and those douchebags from that one podcast I don’t even listen to” to open an account and immediately…
Howie Long Visibly Nervous as Terry Bradshaw Attempts to Pronounce Jaxon Smith-Njigba
Seattle – Howie Long has asked Fox executives for a dump button as he grows increasingly concerned with what he calls the “inevitable and ultimately horrific mispronunciation” by Terry Bradshaw of Seattle wide receiver Jaxon Smith-Njigba’s name. NFL legend Bradshaw, known for his quick recaps of gameday action during Halftime of the Sunday noon slate,…
Jimmy Butler Cleared of Arson after Erik Spoelstra House Fire
Miami – Police have announced that former Heat star and current Golden States Warriors small forward Jimmy Butler is no longer a ‘person of interest’ in the investigation into the house fire that destroyed coach Erik Spoelstra’s Miami home. Butler, who led the Heat to two separate NBA finals appearances, was well known in Miami…
Rashee Rice Totals Golf Cart in Return To Chiefs Facility
Kansas City – The Chiefs have welcomed back wide receiver Rashee Rice, who was serving a suspension for his involvement in a chain-reaction crash due to his reckless high speed racing on a Dallas highway. After much hesitance, team trainers allowed Rice to drive a staffer’s golf cart, which ended in disaster. Rice, with blood…
FanDuel to Sponsor Possible Chauncey Billups Trial
Portland – FanDuel has announced that it plans to sponsor the impending trial of Portland Trailblazers coach Chauncey Billups, after Billups was arrested as part of an FBI investigation into illegal sports gambling. The NBA, who has never, ever, ever, ever had a gambling scandal, has decided to monetize on the incident by allowing FanDuel…
